I don’t have to know everything about the Lord to have a loving and trusting relationship with Him. God is love, just as much as He is mysterious. Not everything has to make sense to me in order to follow and serve Him. Recently, I have found myself angry with God. The things I was going through did not make sense! Why is the standard higher for me? Why do I have to sacrifice so much? I didn’t want to be faithful. I thought I was done trusting the Lord. Would He really fulfill His promises to me? Would He strengthen me in my weakness? I’m ashamed to say that I was crumbling I’ve been a fragile jar of clay. 
Abraham was a man of faith. He knew who his God was. Romans 4:19-22 says,

Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.”

Or is it the fact that we don’t know who our God is?
I can tell you who He is: He is the God who poured out His love for us on a deathly and shameful cross. He sent His son to die for us, forgive our sins & give us the chance to spend eternity with Him. He did this while we were still sinners. He is the God who is capable of restoring our families, our souls and our hearts, He is the one who loves us. He is there for us & has unfathomable plans to use us.

Personally, I can tell you who He is… He is the One who called my name 1,5 years ago, just when I gave life one last try leaving my country and everything I knew. I was done with life the way it had been. I had given up on it, although my life looked promising, I didn’t see a future. Praise the One who did! Because that didn’t stop Him from calling me. His love brought me to my knees as I let go of the things that would send me to an eternity of suffering. I surrendered. He changed me and I have never been the same. And although my faith wavered and still does, I was convicted quickly of who He is: I do not have to know everything about Him to love and trust Him. It is enough to have faith on His capable hands. He has creative power to call us into existence. My hope can’t be put to shame, for He is faithful.

As I sat down with my feet dangling from my bed, I had God’s word in my lap. I could not make sense of anything that had happened just minutes ago. But He was urging me to seek His word for comfort, encouragement and confirmation. I picked up where I was, 1 Corinthians Chapter 13. He made it clear that He loved me and that these past couple of days I had invited Him to show me His love and longing for me. He did everything to catch my attention. And I was willing and faithful. His words to my heart where exactly that: “I reward your willingness and faithfulness; I make you worthy and you are complete in me. Thank you for finally trusting me, for resting on the palm of my hands. You now know love that seeks your good. I’m not going to hurt you; if you go through the fire, it’s because I love you so much that I cannot leave you were you are. You will find strength in me. I promise not to leave you. I’m taking you places and you will understand everything when the timing is right. Be patient my beloved, I want to fill you with patience, compassion and love. Mostly with the love that mirrors mine. Now come and sit by my feet, I want to hear your heart speak. I long to hear the melody your soul sings.”

There’s a fire burning deep inside me to grow closer to Him. He gifted me because I came close to Him and His love. You have to understand that without love, I am nothing. You are nothing. There’s no reason for existence, purpose or gain.

“And Now I will show you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have no love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-2

Once you encounter His love, you can never be the same. I knew of God and I sought after Him, but I really didn’t accept or comprehend His love for me. The definition of love in my life had been twisted and had been tainted by hurt. I wanted to think of God as my healer and savior. Not my lover. Never my lover. But He pursued me into romance and Love isn’t anything like what I’d known. He just wanted a chance to prove me wrong, and I gave it to Him because I wanted so bad to know what would make the Lord, King of Kings and my Creator, want to give me, a worthless and sinful girl, so much hope and restoration. I found True Love. I cannot be without True Love. Do you know what God’s love is like? Cause I can tell you, you would not believe the way He touches me. I’m having trouble believing it myself. 

In Him I am complete. 

My Dearest Daughter, I see your loneliness and fear. I know your hurt and your heartaches. In a special bottle I am storing each and every one of your tears. I see you searching for love, for happiness, for fulfillment. As much as I hate to see your pain, as much as it grieves me to see you struggle, all this must be, in order for you to totally and completely come to the end of your own understanding: only then can you fully hear my voice.

Listen very carefully. Amidst the noise of the world, I’m calling. My voice is in the midst of your worst fears tenderly beseeching you to trust me, in the pain of your loneliness. If you hold real still, you can feel my arms encircling you and hear my soothing words of comfort. Yes, that still, small voice within you is mine. Yes, that gentle touch is me. Give me your pain- yes, all of it, and I will give you my peace. Give me your sorrow and I will give you joy unspeakable. I cherish you, Daughter. I shed my blood so that you could be clean. I want you for my companion, my bride, to love and cherish now and throughout eternity and I plan to dress you in the most beautiful of white garments. As you live out the joy and experience the wonder of being my bride, I will be your gentle tutor conforming you to my image.

I must begin by teaching you how to serve and live in submission to me. Let me convince you of your great value so that you may be able to fully share the love I have given you with the one you someday choose to bring to me as your earthly husband. Then, and only then, will you be the kind of wife I would choose for him. Give yourself completely to me. I want you to deny me nothing. I will not hurt you. I will not disappoint you. You can trust me- completely. I keep my promises. Do not be overly critical of yourself or become depressed because you are not perfect in your own eyes. It saddens me greatly to hear you criticize and devalue the one I love so much. Daughter, in me, you are complete and lacking in nothing. What right do you have to criticize the one I treasure? On what grounds do you find fault with what I have so fearfully and wonderfully made? Why do you call what I deem beautiful- ugly? Why do you believe that that one I love enough to die for is not good enough? Daughter, I want you to know who you are in me. I mean who you really are in me- completely loved and totally forgiven. I want you to trust me one step, one day, one second at a time. Dwell in My power and My love and be all that you are in me, in My strength, and in My power.

Do not fear what might happen or what the future may bring because my grace is sufficient and I will take care of you. Daughter, I know that you long to give yourself to someone, to have a deep relationship with him, and to be loved thoroughly and exclusively by him. But I must say no. Not until my love is enough. Not until you can see yourself truly complete in me. I love you, my child. Until you discover that your joy and satisfaction can be found in me alone, you will not be capable of handling the problems and disappointments that are part of every relationship. You can never be truly united with another in the way your heart desires, only I can fill that emptiness, only I can supply that need, only I can love you enough. You must be united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings before you will have the strength to endure the many heart-aches and, yes, even soul-aches of even a seemingly perfect human relationship. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you my faithfulness, my gentleness, and my self-control. Then, you will need no other.
Daughter, I want you to allow me to be enough. You must keep your eyes on me, expecting the greatest and the best things from me. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I am and that you are my child. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. Stay close by my side. Seek my face in the morning, my presence throughout the day, and my comfort at night. I am always there, Daughter. I will never leave you or forsake you. But, you must wait. Don’t be anxious. Do not get in a hurry. Don’t look around and fear or envy the things others have received from me. You must keep from looking off or away. Look up to me or you’ll miss the things I want to show you, and then, when you are ready, I’ll give you the desires I have put in your heart, the strength to endure all things, and the courage to risk your heart. You see, until you are ready and the one I have for you is ready… I am working even this minute to have you both ready at the same time… until you are both living to, which you will, however imperfectly, reflect your relationship in me.

First give me time to heal your wounds, console your heartaches, and ease your disappointments. Find me time to erase the painful memories of the past. Give me time to heal you and make you whole and complete in me. I want you to experience real “agape” love- not the selfish, false love of the world. I want you to learn love that is patient and always kind. Love that knows no envy and is never boastful or proud. Love that is never rude or self-seeking. Love that is not easily angered or keeps a record of wrong. Love that does not delight in evil but instead rejoices in truth. The love I want for you, Daughter, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, never fails. Because this love is of the spirit and not of the flesh, its natural fruit is joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I cannot give this love to you in or even through another except dimly, and then only in a limited capacity- for all will fail and eventually disappoint you. This perfect love, Daughter, can only be found in me.

Let my perfect love flow from you and spill over to all you touch. Be not concerned with yourself; you are my responsibility. I will change you often without you even knowing it. Take your eyes off yourself, look only to me, I lead, I change, I create, but only when you are not striving. You are mine; let me have the joy of making you into my image- only I can do this. Above all else, look to me and me only, never to yourself and never to others. Do not struggle, relax and trust my love. I know what is best and will do it in and through you if you’ll let me. Stop trying to become, and let me transform you from within. I love you Daughter. Will you let my love be enough for you?

I’m waiting… will you wait too? -Jesus 

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source

He is glorious.
And His glory extends to the ends of the earth.
He is beautiful, and His beauty is rooting itself in our hearts so that we may become examples of the fullness of His love.
My heart yearns for Him.
I am realizing that this this the one true thing I know about myself and my heart: I yearn for God.
I want Him with all that I am.
Whenever I begin to want something else, whenever I begin to become distracted, it is because I am forgetting who I am, because I have begun to let the enemy define me.
When I look to God for my identity, when I find myself in Him, I find that I want more and more of Him, that I long for His presence, that I would give anything for it.
Only when I begin to put up walls around myself, when I start to seek contentment, love, peace, truth, in places other than Him, that is when I will become unhappy, hateful, conflicted in all I do, because these things do not exist outside of Him.
When I find my identity in Him, He becomes my identity, and I will find what I am seeking inside of myself. For He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. He is with me always.
Why am I still searching?

Miss you so much!

Amazing, amazing Jon Foreman, I love all his songs, this fills my heart with joy and new strength!!!

Lyrics:

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Chorus (3x):
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you’ve found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

(Chorus 3x)

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

God is getting bigger in my life. He is consuming me. Not in a way that makes you stressful or burdened. Quite the opposite. He is consuming my heart, thoughts and time with His love. A love that you can feel. A love that feels so real. It is real. I’m letting my walls shatter before Him. I am giving Him my brokenness, the one I can’t deal with anymore. He is transforming me from this hopeless girl in rags into His radiant princess…into His beloved daughter.

Have you ever felt like this? The mirror is a constant reminder of how fall I short from beauty, worth and perfection. But by His loving grace, He allows me to come into His presence and ask Him to cleanse me and make me more like Him. I have to confess, lately, I’ve been silent and cold with Him. I have not spent time with Him, at all. I’ve not opened His letters to me, the living Word, in days. I have not trusted Him. My shame and frustration have held me down. But I’m tired of letting the enemy win the short battles. I am standing up, even when my heart is weak. I am trusting God, even if I don’t understand what is going on around me. I have authority over the enemy and no weapon against me is strong enough. God is still in His throne, He is still in control, regardless of the seasons I’m going through. Whether that be the desert, wilderness, fire or harvest. I have more than enough reasons to worship Him…to give myself to Him. He is still sustaining me, just like He has always done. I am still called with a purpose, even if this world falls apart. He is still my Lover and my Husband; My Savior & Redeemer. If He fills me, I have to pour it out just so that I could be emptied again. I am complete in Him. How quickly do I forget He is Lord. How quickly I forget I am His. How quickly I forget His purposes.
Let Him satisfy you with His love… Be content with what you have. Worship him always and seek Him. You will find Him and He will shower you with His never ending love and provision. He does not forsake us. Meditate on His Word and fight the flesh & the enemy. We will overcome.